Everyone’s love life gets down in the dumps now and again. We settle into everyday life, and our marriage suffers. You can rekindle your romance and have a healthy relationship with just a few minutes investment each day.  

Routine is the enemy of romance. After going through the drudgery of day-to-day life your love life may be getting a little routine. Spontaneity and quality time are the keys to rekindling the passion you once felt for each other. Many times kids, work, bills, and yard work all get in the way of spending quality time with your spouse. By the time you have worked all day, cooked dinner, bathed the kids and settled down, all you can do is think about relaxing. There are so many details to ensuring our lives run smoothly that we often slip into routine conversations with our spouse about bills or home improvement. All these minutia of life can have a chilling effect on romance.

It only takes a few minutes a day to turn your romantic life around. Some of this requires “planned spontaneity.” Nothing rekindles romance like a little quality time. Start by sitting next to each other on the couch and holding hands. Every time you walk by your spouse touch her in a nice way—rub your hand down her back or give her a hug. Another possibility is offering a foot or back massage. Massages enhance intimacy through personal, loving touch. Surprise your spouse by planning something different one night. Instead of turning on the T.V., turn on the radio and dance in the living room. It may seem embarrassing, but you are in your living room and no one will see you except your happy and surprised spouse.  

Part of rekindling romance requires you to make a time commitment and an effort. Plan to spend ten minutes every night talking about something that is important to your spouse and really listening to what she has to say. Plan one night a week that is your “date” night. Date nights are easy to plan. Let the kids eat before you and have a special dinner for two after they go to bed. Rent some movies and layout a blanket on the floor and snuggle up to watch the movie together. Try something sweet like purposefully renting a movie your normally wouldn’t watch but your spouse would love.

There are other things that may take a small effort but that you can do to start the flames of romance aglow again. Compliment your spouse out of the blue for something unusual—“Wow your hair looks so shiny today,” or “Honey, I love the way those work pants show off your calves.” Compliments lead to good feelings, and good feelings lead to romance. Make sure to tell your spouse all the things you love and appreciate about her.  

Spending time together and really paying attention to your spouse is just the first step to creating a better relationship and enhancing your intimacy. There are also little things you can do to enhance your love life that don’t cost a lot of money but win you big points in the romance department. We all feel the zings of passion during courtship, and it is important to remember the things that made us feel those zings. Reminisce about when you dated your spouse. This will stir up memories of your early passion and bring some of it to your current relationship. Give her something that she can hold on to and remember. Write a little love note or leave her a loving (or maybe provocative) message on her personal voicemail. Giving gifts doesn’t have to be expensive. Sometimes the gift of time is the most romantic gift. Do all your spouse’s chores for the day—wash the dishes, fold the laundry, vacuum. This small gesture will show your spouse how much you care.  

We often confuse sex for romance. Romance is something on a different plane than . It is the expression of your love and commitment to your spouse. The most important expression of romance is time. Turn off your cell phone, turn off the T.V., shut off your computer, put the kids to bed and look deeply into your spouse’s eyes.   Spending quality time together will inevitably lead to romance and a happy marriage.

Action Steps

• Carve out some time to spend with your spouse.
• Plan a project to do together.
• Send love notes.
• Hold hands.
• Cut out pieces of paper and write things you like about your spouse on them. Let your spouse read one each day.
• Do your spouse’s chores one day.
• Use the three magic words—I love you.
• Intimacy means different things to men and women—discuss what intimacy means to you with your spouse.
• Remember, time and attention are the most important aspects in rekindling romance.

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By Heather Wellman

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