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The plethora of online dating sites can sometimes seem overwhelming. They're accommodating to everyone - no question there - but it can be confusing and intimidating having to bare your soul and put your best face forward - literally - to a banquet of strangers. You post an ad. You upload what you consider to be several of your best photographs, preferably none older than two (or three) years, because you really haven't "changed that much." Also, you get to tell whether you're a Taurus or a Pisces, what your level of education is, how much money you make, what color your eyes are, what your favorite hobbies are, what you do for a living, and whether you have children or never, ever want kids. In short, you get to show off your wares! An online dating site is the one place where you can unabashedly show the world just how cool you really are. No one expects you to say, "I'm a loser." No one! So prop yourself up beside your neighbor's land yacht or a Harley; photograph yourself with your own Webcam in several different, fetching poses; or show your athletic side with photos from your latest trip to the beach. Beach photos are always a hit. However you do it, don't be afraid to act. Sure, it can be confusing searching the web for a site on which to place your ad. If you're Catholic, should you go for a Catholic-only site? What about if you're a vegetarian or a cat lover, what then? You know yourself better than anyone. Use that knowledge. Try to determine through your research if the site is frequented by the kinds of people you would socialize with offline. Any number of categories from geography, beliefs, and interests to the type of screening done by the site or costs might be among the factors you choose to consider. There is a countless number of sites that you can choose from. If you spend time defining what you're looking for, you'll find it. Beginning with Ed, a self-described "very young 76" living in Omaha and who's also very ecology-minded, a retired concert pianist and loves to scout out "haunted" bed-and-breakfasts; to Linda, a divorced mother of four who loves sculpting and ice-skating; to Bob, a Harvard-educated Ph.D. with a keen interest in skydiving, there's a match out there, and there's one for you as well. Everyone wants love. Everyone wants intimacy. And online dating is a fast, sometimes very effective way to find that "soulmate." And often, "dating" online can be very therapeutic. In a world where peaceful, tree-lined sidewalks, picket fences, and a family happily gathered around the dinner table at 6 p.m. no longer exist, that digitized voice proclaiming, "You've got mail!" can become one of your greatest pleasures. Yet, as even a casual survey of veterans of online dating will tell you, it can be a charmingly addictive pastime for some, but others who have "gone the course" have become somewhat wary - as the saying goes, everything looks great on paper, but the "real thing" may be disappointing. So let's face it: sometimes online dating works and sometimes, it fails -- miserably and pitifully -- for both embarrassed parties. But that's no different than what happens offline. One thing's for certain though, even if online dating doesn't lead to love, it gives you a chance to really think about who you are and what's important to you. It's hard to think about the qualities and values you want in someone else without a little introspection. In the process, you may discover some of those old interests and desires you thought had waned with the passage of time, and unlock some unused talents you had long ago hidden away. Through it all, here's one really important rule about online dating to adhere to: don't stretch the truth too far when you're writing about yourself. You just might meet someone you really want to get to know over the long term, and you may regret that comment about being 20 pounds lighter than you really are! Online dating is a slice of life, revved up to cyber speed, and served up in a way that can sometimes help you overcome the usual hurdles to finding a soulmate. Just like life offline, it has its uncertainties. It can be liberating or it can trap you into patterns of isolation, it can lead to intimacy or result in a series of shallow relationships, and it can be rewarding or not. Many of the outcomes are determined by your actions. More often than not, you will be fine if you appreciate that there are no guarantees. _____________________________________ By Catherine Van Herrin
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